Fucking Sassy

untilyourbreathingst0ps:

pearls:

pearls:

i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun

sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard 

ive seen this post umpteen times and ive always thought that if you switched u and i around it wouldn’t make sense like “u touched a” and i literally just realised you meant duck and not dick i swear to god i am the biggest fucking idiot.

(Source: gingerbreadlou, via brookiecookieeee)

monetizeyourcat:

boysinbarrettes:

monetizeyourcat:

Just found out there are two Bones in my shin, and two shins on my body. That’s four Bones. Fuck this shit

dude thats not even the worst of it. go look up what your ribs are made of

OK, i will, but I’m warning you if it’s bones I’m gonna be so pissed off

(via lameborghini)

trillow:

[police officer] “sir are you in possession of any illegal drugs”

“sure thing son whatchu need”

(via orgasm)

lameborghini:

beyoncyay:

lameborghini:

does anyone else subconsciously give letters and numbers a gender like 4 is such a feminine number while 9 is definitely masculine am i right and then m is a girl of course while j is a boy you get me

you might have ordinal linguistic personification

mmm sounds like a fancy linguini pasta

(via orgasm)

theaveragefish:

why the hell did we all learn the exact words

"the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell"

(via bbypkmn)

reallyreallyreallytrying:

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

(via orgasm)